...that almost hits. Giving Ryou his feelings, even if he can't give him strength...that comes dangerously close to worming its way into his heart, past the hopelessness. That's something this place can't take away, from Ryou.
But, the weight of all of it...
(fear, fear to go outside lost limbs that grow slowly hurt when he shouldn't be killed when he shouldn't be weak to water a malady lust hadn't heard of cut me open, didn't have to didn't come back like steve did
and now, my friends are in danger, too.)
...it's crushing. It's too much for a small comfort like that.]
You don't understand. However he feels about it, the cost --
-- the cost isn't just me, now. I should never have involved the others, who helped me with AM. What I did to AM isn't going to protect Ryou. It's just going to get the people who helped me hurt, and Ryou will still --
[His glass comes sloppily to rest on the floor -- not tipping over, but just barely, and a few drops do hit the arcade carpet -- and both of Atem's hands go to his face.]
He's only going to be hurt, and hurt again, in ways I can't predict, because they're worse than the rest of us face. The rules break around him! And I can't keep making other people suffer to try to fix that -- it was a mistake to! His powers just let him down! He'll always be scared! I'm --
[His face is still hidden, but he laughs into his hands.]
Heh...heh heh heh...
Why I did it, what I was trying to do, doesn't matter if it didn't work. What they said about me....they were all right.
cw torture discussion, agorophobia, amputation, BLANKET MANIA CW
...that almost hits. Giving Ryou his feelings, even if he can't give him strength...that comes dangerously close to worming its way into his heart, past the hopelessness. That's something this place can't take away, from Ryou.
But, the weight of all of it...
(fear, fear to go outside
lost limbs that grow slowly
hurt when he shouldn't be
killed when he shouldn't be
weak to water
a malady lust hadn't heard of
cut me open, didn't have to
didn't come back like steve did
and now, my friends are in danger, too.)
...it's crushing. It's too much for a small comfort like that.]
You don't understand. However he feels about it, the cost --
-- the cost isn't just me, now. I should never have involved the others, who helped me with AM. What I did to AM isn't going to protect Ryou. It's just going to get the people who helped me hurt, and Ryou will still --
[His glass comes sloppily to rest on the floor -- not tipping over, but just barely, and a few drops do hit the arcade carpet -- and both of Atem's hands go to his face.]
He's only going to be hurt, and hurt again, in ways I can't predict, because they're worse than the rest of us face. The rules break around him! And I can't keep making other people suffer to try to fix that -- it was a mistake to! His powers just let him down! He'll always be scared! I'm --
[His face is still hidden, but he laughs into his hands.]
Heh...heh heh heh...
Why I did it, what I was trying to do, doesn't matter if it didn't work. What they said about me....they were all right.
I'm the worst monster out there.