waitingforplayer2

[Ryou's ears prick up when Nanami moves close to tend to his cuts...but they lower again soon enough. Talking about these kinds of things...they hurt. He wishes he could have done better.

But he won't push her away, and he does appreciate that she's dabbing at the cuts he's created.]

The other deaths...? I...I just know that he fought AM and rather than lose and suffer a worse fate...Atem took his life. He's a strategist, and he chose the best move. I was upset, but...I couldn't stay that way, not when I knew the reason he even tried to fight AM in the first place.

[Ryou glances down, away from Nanami.]

He did it for me. Because AM...hurt me. He burned me while I was defenseless, just because he could, and Atem wanted to pay it back.

[Ryou's burn scars seem to stand out more clearly after that, at least to him. the gnarled skin of his right forearm, the furless plane of wrinkled flesh along his right foot...and though no one can see it, the worst of the lot, seared into his thigh.]

I could have done better by Atem, if I was stronger. If I weren't such a weak, flimsy shade, then I could have prevented his suffering any further. But I was weak...so when the next awful thing happened to him, all I could do was lose and die against the enemy, then come back to see him lost and alone.

If I was strong, I wouldn't have died trying to stop that manticore taking him and cutting him open, but I'm just. I'm...not enough.

[He shakes his head, softly, then quietly murmurs the next sentence.]

That's why I needed Her help.

[ She holds the napkins on his arm, to stop the bleeding. When he gets to another stopping point, she speaks quietly. ]

So you did what you did to protect each other. [ And that's the power of the Fog... she silently makes a note of that. ]

What did She do for you?

[Ryou stiffens a little when Nanami asks that. It's...hard for him to answer, without tipping his hand. And he has been hiding his powers from people, other than a handful of them.

He's already exercising a great deal of trust in telling her this much, but...Ryou has limitations to how freely he can speak, even now.]

She gave me the power I need to protect myself and others. That's all anyone needs to know at this point. I'm sorry, but...I don't want to talk about that. All I know is that with Her power, I can keep from dying so easily next time.

I can't afford to lose a memory. That one memory could take something very important from me...something I can never fix, and wouldn't even know to regret.

[Ryou's tail uncoils from around his feet, then brushes against Nanami's ankles.]

Thank you...f-for listening. But as I said...what I've done, killing those men in service of strengthening myself and appeasing the Fog, it has reflected poorly on me. The things I told people to draw anger from the others hasn't helped either. Knowing all that, you should handle our acquaintanceship with discretion.

I also made humans more wary around monsters, which makes things hard for others, and likely brings a bad reputation to the shade population.

[ Something else clicks in her head. ] Oh, that's what that was about! Hinata mentioned the humans were upset, when I first arrived. [ They'd all been pretty protective of the arcade, too.

She's been crouching next to him, but now she rocks backwards to sit down - the blood flow's pretty much stopped now, anyway. ]

Bakura-san... [ She knows what she wants, but it's only fair to ask. ]

If I wanted to be your friend anyway... would that be alright with you?

[Ryou's silent for a moment, after she asks that. He falls back to sit as well, though for him, it looks silly. His feet are up now, the pink pads revealed, and his arms fall between his legs. He's a big, dumfounded wolf sitting without a word to say.

How does he answer that? How should he answer it?

...He knows how he wants to.]

Miss Nanami...I...

[His tail tip twitches a bit. Almost...maybe...just maybe, a wag?]

If you want to be friends, I wouldn't say no. If after everything that I said, you think that I'm worthy, then...

[Thump.

It is a wag. One single wag.]

Thank you...

It's not about being worthy or not, I think...

[ The wag brings a careful smile to her face, at least. She's relieved he answered that way. ]

I don't think... worthiness is a really good way of deciding whether to be friends with someone. [ In Ryslig, or elsewhere - from what she's heard, her friends did some pretty terrible things back home. And so has she, here, and she'll do even more terrible things soon, probably. She knows she can. She knows she'll have to. So she knows she will. ]

It's just something I want. That's all, really. [ Because she worries about him. Because she sees bits of herself and her friends in him. Because she wants him to be okay.

Because he trusted her. ]

If that's okay, then I'm the one who should be thanking you, really.

Maybe not. But people don't all feel like you.

[Ryou hesitates with the next part. He doesn't want to make it personal, because he, personally, isn't nearly as important as anyone else. He doesn't want pity. But...Nanami wanted to know about him. She wanted to see him.]

...It's hard to explain that dying is scary to anyone who hasn't died here. And it's hard to explain how seeing someone you love be in so much pain and experience uncertainty he should never experience can be so painful.

[He glances down, at his open palms. The tips of his fingers curl inward, making his claws look threatening.]

They can't understand either...why I don't want to be a shade.

[He's scared, and it shows in his eyes, in the way his ears are pinned back to his head and how his shoulders are bristling. He's afraid that as soon as the month's over, the Fog will stabilize and he'll go back to being a shade, with all the terrible, dark thoughts that make him so angry.]

So, they're angry about what I did. And they don't want to know why I did it, because they can't see the path that awaits them.

[ She doesn't want to make it about her. She wants to listen to him.

But she can't help the way her gaze drops, and her hands tremble. ]

I know what you mean. [ And she'll leave it at that, for now. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to get the cheshire grin out of her mind.

Reminds herself that she's stronger now, she wouldn't fall to her again. She thinks. ]

Can you ask Mana? If she lets you change for a little... she can let you change for good too, can't she?

[For how self-involved Ryou seems to be in his own thoughts, he does catch a little of Nanami's reaction.

...He will remember that.

But for now, he keeps on their current subject.]

I'm...I'm sure she can. I haven't asked her yet what the price would be, because I still have other things that I need to do. I have a feeling it would be many more coins than I have...so I'm grateful to the Fog for this form. At least for now. It's a welcome break.

[He glances at Nanami, one ear flicking, but ultimately they both relax. He reaches a hand out, gently places his padded palm and fingers on her shoulder, then smiles a little.]

I really can't thank you enough for listening to me. I think...perhaps we can talk about something less sad, right? You've heard more than enough, and if you want to give me a chance, then the least I can do is make sure it isn't all terribly depressing. Right?

If I can help, I will.

[ She's already found a few coins, after her first month here - and she doesn't have any plans to use them.

... Probably.

But the change in subject relaxes her too. She gets up to make them some tea, at the food counter just next to the board game corner. ]

I don't think you're depressing. [ It's been interesting, even if the subject matter has been sad, and at times gruesome. She puts the kettle on and leans over the counter so she can still see him while the water comes to a boil. ]

Do you have any favorite games?

[Ryou takes a little longer to get to his feet, drawing his hand back so that he can use it to push himself up, before both arms cross protectively across his chest. He's not worried about her anymore, but he still has guarded body language.

It's...just a bit of a habit, honestly.]

It's alright, you don't have to say something that isn't entirely true.

[That's all he says about her insisting he's not depression, he won't push the matter past that.]

Favorite games...? Any board game, honestly. I love board games, and dice games, but mostly anything that has a board is where I excel. My favorite is a tabletop RPG, however, by the name of Monster World.

[...There. There's a bit of confidence.]

A tabletop game? [ That really peaks her interest. While she prepares their mugs, she thinks. ]

I don't have that one here, but we have a lot of board games. [ She glances over at the corner where they've been sitting. ] Do you wanna play something together? I love all kinds of games, really.

Any game you like is fine. I'm happy to play whatever you like.

[His tail wags once, twice...and knocks over something small, because it's massive. He startles, forcing it to wrap around his leg while he looks over his shoulder.]

Ah! I-I'm sorry about that. Sometimes it has a mind of its own...

[ She smiles and brings him a mug, then starts setting up a shogi board. ]

It's okay! So do my tentacles. [ The ones on her head are idly curling around each other as they speak. ]

Your tentacles seem quite tame in comparison. Actually...they look rather cute!

[Ryou doesn't even put much thought to the fact that he's complimenting a lady's appearance. It's true, isn't it? Watching the tips of her hair-tentacles undulate, they really do look cute. It reminds him of Atem's hair-snakes, from way back when.

Either way, he takes the mug happily, sips at his drink, and lets Nanami set up the board. After what they had spoken of...a game is a welcome change of pace. He'll enjoy sharing it with a new friend, someone he can trust.

Someone...who had trusted him first.]

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cw; suicide, death, burn mention, bad surgery mention

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