waitingforplayer2

[ It's weird having legs again after hours of not. She should be used to the change by now, and she is, but not in the way she expected. Her tentacles actually feel more comfortable. It takes time, after she's shifted back, to really get the sensation back in her legs again, to not feel like they should be curling and twisting and pulsing in order to move her around.

So when Ryou gets to the arcade, she hurries to answer the door, but it's kind of a weird hobble, which he'll see through the glass door, and at one point she stumbles, too. But as soon as she's recovered, she opens the door - the lights are on, the machines are all quietly humming or playing tinny music.

Presume animals are actually monsters: that's been her presumption. And between the basket in his mouth, and the color of his fur-- she's got his number. (There's his scent, too, though that doesn't register consciously to her.) ]

Come in, come in!! Bakura-san, right?

Mm-hm!

[He can't talk, but only because of the basket in his mouth. Once he's in though, he sets it down and greets Nanami more appropriately. If he noticed her walking oddly, he chooses not to draw attention to it.

That wouldn't be very nice, after all.]

Sorry, it was nice out, so I...well, it's nice to take a walk like this, you see.

[Can a wolf look sheepish? Ha...]

I brought some leftovers from breakfast in case that you might want something to eat while we talk...please help yourself.

[He nudges the basket towards her with his nose. Should she look inside, she'll find a tamagoyaki bento that he'd put together from, well. Something he'd made earlier. Ryou really likes cooking!]

Ah! [ She's actually delighted to see the food. She almost never eats this well, since moving out of Mukuro's. ] This is wonderful! Thank you...

[ She takes the basket and leads him to the back, where couches and pillows and beanbags adorn a corner stocked full of board games and card games. ] Anyway, there's always something to take care of here, so you don't have to worry about keeping me waiting...

[ And obviously there's games if she ever gets bored of, like, working. And the lake too, now.

She sets the food out on the table and takes a few bites, but makes sure to leave plenty for him. ]

[Ryou pads after her, the weight of his footfalls changing as he shifts back into his night form and goes bipedal. At least like this, he can sort of smile.]

It's no trouble, I always make extra in case I want a morning snack before bed, especially when I'm like this. That is, if the sun doesn't knock me flat out first.

[Seriously, shifting back to day form is such an energy drain, he really almost can't stand it. Either way, he doesn't immediately sit, nor does he take any of the food. Clearly something is on his mind.]

So...um, you're friends with Mukuro, aren't you?

[ Well, that's a way to start a conversation. Nanami pauses as she considers how to answer that.

Mukuro's been here - quite a bit longer than her, and Nanami knows her classmates had talked about her before, too. She supposes it would make sense that the connection between herself and the Ultimate Soldier would be made. Maybe word's even gotten around that Nanami and Mukuro are (well, were) roommates.

But "friends"... that feels like a tough question to answer. Nanami hasn't spoken much with the werewolf-turned-squirrel, since her changes, since Nanami learned about Mukuro's connection to her killer.

And yet... after a long time thinking, she can't really find another way to describe it. ]

Mm. We went to the same school. [ The octo girl finally looks up at Ryou after a long time, her head-tentacles wiggling slowly and thoughtfully. ] And she's done a lot for me... so we're friends, I think.

I see.

[Ryou awkwardly rubs at his scarred arm, not to draw attention, but out of uncertainty with what was the right thing to say here. He knows about their school. He knows...that Mukuro was not so beloved there as she had become to people here.]

I know a little about your school...just from what other...students have said. It doesn't sound very much like a school to me, and I am sorry for whatever happened there. It means though...th-that you're experienced in dealing with terrible things.

[Maybe she can understand. He hopes so, but again, if not, he won't overstay his welcome.]

Bad things happen here too. Many terrible, painful things.

[ It had felt like a school - or at least, Chisa had done a lot of work to make it feel more like a normal school, even with the strange circumstances. But everything had been ripped apart so easily in her last days there, and even before that things had been hanging by a thread - what normal school lets two of your friends just disappear, and even helps cover them up?

And then there was her own label, of course... Nanami's gaze falls to the table, and she intertwines her fingers, the suckers grasping and releasing, grasping and releasing. ]

It was complicated. [ The school hadn't been the one to kill her... but even before then, calling her Ultimate Gamer hadn't made things easy on her, and since then she'd heard of some of the academy's more heinous crimes... including what they did to Mukuro and Hinata. She swallows and looks up. ]

I've heard that... Atem-san warned me. Mm... something should happen again soon, right?

[ They're almost coming up at the middle of the month. Time to brace herself, she guesses. ]

More likely than not, it will. things have a tendency to occur at the same time every month. It makes things predictable, but just because it's predictable doesn't mean that it's easier.

[Ryou lets out a huff, his pink nose twitching a few times before he glances at Nanami with sad golden eyes.]

In such a place like this, it's good to have friends. If not for the friends I made here, I might still be living as a ghost on the streets, haunting abandoned homes by day just so that I didn't die in the sun.

...A-anyway, that's not what we were going to talk about. I wanted to tell you...w-what you ought to know about me in order to decide whether you want to keep talking to me, right?

[There's a sudden shift in Ryou's body language. His arms draw up, crossed one over the other with padded fingers clenched at the upper arms. His wolf ears slick back as well. He's far too tense to sit and it shows.]

So I'll tell you about something that happened in March.

[ Her sympathetic and concerned gaze, when he shifts subjects, gives way to a more intent one. It's time to listen. She leans back on the couch, still playing with her fingers. Wishing she could do something to make him feel more comfortable. ]

Mm. What happened?

[Ryou closes his eyes, take a long, deep breath...then exhales it out slowly before speaking again.]

In March...Atem and I took note that there was a business selling anti-monster security kits. Since I was bedridden recovering from the procedure that had saved me from the Krakaskron flowers, he did a lot of the early research. Once I was well enough...I did surveillance. It's easy as a shade, after all.

[He remembers going into the Illumination Industries building more than once, seeking out information, catching snippets of derisive discussions that slandered the general population and laughed at their misfortune.

His fingers clench harder, claws digging into skin and muscle, but not piercing. Not yet. Hopefully not at all.]

The people in that company, they were manufacturing substandard kits, selling them at top dollar because a scared person will do anything to protect themselves. But they kept the effective kits to themselves.

...The plan was to make them pay, in a way Atem is very good at. He...makes games for people who are bad. The kinds of games that test their heart. They're winnable, always. Atem isn't a cheater, and he's not unreasonably cruel.

[He pauses, his claws digging in harder. He's just laying the groundwork at this point, explaining things leading up to the broadcast, but it's important to do so. To defend his friends and their actions.

(not his never his)]

[ I would figure out what it would take to get them to play, and offer them that, if they won...then make a game where their vices would work against them. Then, when they lost, or broke the rules...I'd get back what it was they took, set matters right, and they would suffer the penalty.

Her eyes widen a little. New context for Atem's games. Nothing she couldn't have guessed before, perhaps, but... a few extra details to flesh out the picture. ]

Winnable, if you're able to change your heart. [ She looks at Ryou. ] That's the trick, right? You have to know what you did wrong and change yourself for the better.

[Nanami's words get Ryou's grip to loosen. Her understanding is...different. Strange.

Surprising.]

Y-yes. That's it exactly. A-and I think that if it weren't for a reason, we might have been able to do this quietly. That was the plan, initially. Before...well, before Maya suggested recording it, I think.

You see, Atem and I had been working towards growing with the Fog, for security. He, more than anyone, deserved the means by which to protect himself without having to worry about being hurt again. Atem has suffered so much..

[There's pain in Ryou's words, and his heart aches when he thinks about it. It's not just because he loves Atem so wholeheartedly, no. Not just that. If a friend had been tortured so frequently, he'd have felt similarly.

No, Ryou's love only made his feelings harder towards the sources of Atem's suffering. Hence...he had followed along on this pathway to power.

That's only half the story, of course, but it's the only half that matters. So long has he spent in Ryslig, that Ryou can see he has very little value. There are so many different versions of him that have existed in this place, how could he ever sum up to the value of someone else at this point? So, it's Atem he focuses on.]

In the end, when we went to put the men through their trial, Maya recorded the goings-on. We did it so that it could broadcast on human television, to disseminate fear. That's what She wants from us, you know? To spread fear in Her name. It was done in several parts, and warned for on the network, in case people would prefer not to see.

The Ring-Spirit showed how to disarm the useless kits, then Atem walked the board of the company in. Three men...because I...I had already killed their CEO.

[He doesn't explain himself for that. He just carries on.]

Atem explained the rules of their game, a game in which they were given the power to kill their partners for a pretty substantial reward. Atem...offered to buy them whatever they wanted from Mana within the range of sixty coins, as well as the ability to use him as a guinea pig to test their product further.

But before he could start the game, they all triggered the kill switches at once. They...h-hahaha...they were willing to kill each other out of greed.

[Ryou's jaw clenches, his claws dig into his arms, and this time, they do draw blood. This part...it turns his stomach just to think about. All of it, every single thing he's about to tell Nanami.]

I was so angry...that even though I knew, in the back of my mind, that Maya was recording it all...I went up to them and I gave them the penalty they deserved. I ate them. All three of them, because they were ready to eat their own kind up. The things they said...

[Ryou's voice breaks, and for a moment he doesn't sound like an adult, but like a lost, regretful child.]

They said...that...that the people they scammed of their money couldn't sue them if they were dead. They weren't human anymore...do you know the price I would pay to be human again? And they decided that being monsters was better. I'm not sorry for what I did...

[He's lying.]

Everyone who saw the broadcast...the monsters, they knew we were doing this to gain power from the Fog, because Atem told them so. And because of that, we were judged as true beasts. They were...very unkind. On that day, we were the villains. And they don't even understand why.

[ She wants to listen evenly, and fairly, and hear out everything without giving away even the slightest bit of judgement.

But she can't help her eyes widening in horror, the more his story goes on. Whether it's from what Ryou and his friends did, or from what the humans did, she doesn't quite know as he's telling it - it's a gruesome tale.

I need to be better.
Better for what? For the people that tell us nobody deserves to die, but don't care about the lives they destroy just because they're not killing them?

It's impossible to miss the grief in Ryou's voice when he talks about eating the humans. It's impossible to hear how he reacted, and not remember her best friend, roaring with anger and destroying the TV producers with his enlarged fist.

Ryslig may change them all, but so do people who set out to hurt them. ]

But it's not that simple, is it? [ She squeezes the couch where she's been unknowingly gripping it - she realizes as she thinks that, even through her horror, she's frustrated on Ryou's behalf.

He is like the others - Mikan and Hinata and Nagito and all of them. She was right, she thinks. ]

Everything's complicated here. Everybody's trying their best. [ The number of attempts she's seen to change their fates - Dee's monster disguise, or Faramir's quest into the mountains - failures, yes, but sparks of hope still.

And with the number of ways the deck is stacked against everybody, human and monster alike - the transformations, the need to feed, even the trip into the TV world - with a game that's rigged from the start, it doesn't make sense to blame the losers.

Especially not somebody who was willing to tell her all this. Not even with glee and manic energy, like how Nagito might have talked with her when she knew him - but with regret and shame. ]

So... to call you the villains... I don't think that's very fair, Bakura-san. Not when...

[ Her face falls. What horrors await her at the halfway point of this month, she wonders, and the months to come. But there is one thing that is predictable, for every single monster here. ]

Not when all of us have to kill to survive. And not when humans can treat each other, and us, like that.

It's not even about killing to survive...there are monsters here that...that kill for sport, or use overly violent methods that don't have the decency of an out for a human to save themselves.

The truth is, monsters here choose to make a moral stand that suits them, but they don't even understand why this needed to happen. How could they understand, unless they knew us? And even then, some that did know us stepped away.

[Ryou sinks to the floor, his tail curling around his legs as his arms shift, to wrap around his abdomen rather than stay crossed. Blood seeps through fur where he's claws have pricked, but he doesn't care.]

I don't think all humans are monsters. But I can't prioritize them over monsters, because they can die, and their suffering stops. When we die, we come back for more. And when you're not a high-level fog follower, it's so easy to die.

I've died twice here, three if you count dying to become a vampire when my copy tried to weaken me, f-four if you count his death, which I have the memories of. Those first two deaths, they're free. H-hahah...hahaha...can you believe that? We're expected to perish so frequently that we get 2 free lives...and then the rest lose us memories. I haven't lost a memory yet.

Atem has. He has died three times where it counts. His first, albeit uncounted, death...was caused by a monster here, through torture. He was tortured for days, just to serve some purpose related to the Fourth God, although no one blames Elias for that, why would they? The point is, just because it wasn't towards some predetermined counter, doesn't mean it didn't have an effect.

His first true death...he...he had to die, it was the only way the others and I could free him from the parasite infesting his mind. Mukuro, Horatio, Celeste and Mukuro...we had to dig it out of him...

[He has to stop there, because he remembers having his shade claws buried deep into Atem's abdomen, it wasn't what he wanted to do, but the parasite needed to come out...]

[ When Ryou sinks to the ground, Nanami jumps to her feet and runs around the table to his side. There's some napkins on the table, left over from some prior meal - she grabs them and presses them on the wound, mopping up some of the blood and putting pressure on the wound.

The way death works here... she's gathered bits and pieces, but not heard it told this frankly, nor this viscerally. It feels like parts of her are freezing up or going numb, like she can't quite believe what she's hearing - but she listens. She listens to the horrors that have happened to Ryou and Atem and their friends, to the things that have been done to them. She can't quite process the emotions she's feeling, but there's an energy in her that... scares her. Something powerful, and angry.

She clamps it down, focuses on him, and tending to his wound. ]

And... the others?

Edited 2022-05-27 17:28 (UTC)

[Ryou's ears prick up when Nanami moves close to tend to his cuts...but they lower again soon enough. Talking about these kinds of things...they hurt. He wishes he could have done better.

But he won't push her away, and he does appreciate that she's dabbing at the cuts he's created.]

The other deaths...? I...I just know that he fought AM and rather than lose and suffer a worse fate...Atem took his life. He's a strategist, and he chose the best move. I was upset, but...I couldn't stay that way, not when I knew the reason he even tried to fight AM in the first place.

[Ryou glances down, away from Nanami.]

He did it for me. Because AM...hurt me. He burned me while I was defenseless, just because he could, and Atem wanted to pay it back.

[Ryou's burn scars seem to stand out more clearly after that, at least to him. the gnarled skin of his right forearm, the furless plane of wrinkled flesh along his right foot...and though no one can see it, the worst of the lot, seared into his thigh.]

I could have done better by Atem, if I was stronger. If I weren't such a weak, flimsy shade, then I could have prevented his suffering any further. But I was weak...so when the next awful thing happened to him, all I could do was lose and die against the enemy, then come back to see him lost and alone.

If I was strong, I wouldn't have died trying to stop that manticore taking him and cutting him open, but I'm just. I'm...not enough.

[He shakes his head, softly, then quietly murmurs the next sentence.]

That's why I needed Her help.

[ She holds the napkins on his arm, to stop the bleeding. When he gets to another stopping point, she speaks quietly. ]

So you did what you did to protect each other. [ And that's the power of the Fog... she silently makes a note of that. ]

What did She do for you?

[Ryou stiffens a little when Nanami asks that. It's...hard for him to answer, without tipping his hand. And he has been hiding his powers from people, other than a handful of them.

He's already exercising a great deal of trust in telling her this much, but...Ryou has limitations to how freely he can speak, even now.]

She gave me the power I need to protect myself and others. That's all anyone needs to know at this point. I'm sorry, but...I don't want to talk about that. All I know is that with Her power, I can keep from dying so easily next time.

I can't afford to lose a memory. That one memory could take something very important from me...something I can never fix, and wouldn't even know to regret.

[Ryou's tail uncoils from around his feet, then brushes against Nanami's ankles.]

Thank you...f-for listening. But as I said...what I've done, killing those men in service of strengthening myself and appeasing the Fog, it has reflected poorly on me. The things I told people to draw anger from the others hasn't helped either. Knowing all that, you should handle our acquaintanceship with discretion.

I also made humans more wary around monsters, which makes things hard for others, and likely brings a bad reputation to the shade population.

[ Something else clicks in her head. ] Oh, that's what that was about! Hinata mentioned the humans were upset, when I first arrived. [ They'd all been pretty protective of the arcade, too.

She's been crouching next to him, but now she rocks backwards to sit down - the blood flow's pretty much stopped now, anyway. ]

Bakura-san... [ She knows what she wants, but it's only fair to ask. ]

If I wanted to be your friend anyway... would that be alright with you?

[Ryou's silent for a moment, after she asks that. He falls back to sit as well, though for him, it looks silly. His feet are up now, the pink pads revealed, and his arms fall between his legs. He's a big, dumfounded wolf sitting without a word to say.

How does he answer that? How should he answer it?

...He knows how he wants to.]

Miss Nanami...I...

[His tail tip twitches a bit. Almost...maybe...just maybe, a wag?]

If you want to be friends, I wouldn't say no. If after everything that I said, you think that I'm worthy, then...

[Thump.

It is a wag. One single wag.]

Thank you...

It's not about being worthy or not, I think...

[ The wag brings a careful smile to her face, at least. She's relieved he answered that way. ]

I don't think... worthiness is a really good way of deciding whether to be friends with someone. [ In Ryslig, or elsewhere - from what she's heard, her friends did some pretty terrible things back home. And so has she, here, and she'll do even more terrible things soon, probably. She knows she can. She knows she'll have to. So she knows she will. ]

It's just something I want. That's all, really. [ Because she worries about him. Because she sees bits of herself and her friends in him. Because she wants him to be okay.

Because he trusted her. ]

If that's okay, then I'm the one who should be thanking you, really.

Maybe not. But people don't all feel like you.

[Ryou hesitates with the next part. He doesn't want to make it personal, because he, personally, isn't nearly as important as anyone else. He doesn't want pity. But...Nanami wanted to know about him. She wanted to see him.]

...It's hard to explain that dying is scary to anyone who hasn't died here. And it's hard to explain how seeing someone you love be in so much pain and experience uncertainty he should never experience can be so painful.

[He glances down, at his open palms. The tips of his fingers curl inward, making his claws look threatening.]

They can't understand either...why I don't want to be a shade.

[He's scared, and it shows in his eyes, in the way his ears are pinned back to his head and how his shoulders are bristling. He's afraid that as soon as the month's over, the Fog will stabilize and he'll go back to being a shade, with all the terrible, dark thoughts that make him so angry.]

So, they're angry about what I did. And they don't want to know why I did it, because they can't see the path that awaits them.

[ She doesn't want to make it about her. She wants to listen to him.

But she can't help the way her gaze drops, and her hands tremble. ]

I know what you mean. [ And she'll leave it at that, for now. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to get the cheshire grin out of her mind.

Reminds herself that she's stronger now, she wouldn't fall to her again. She thinks. ]

Can you ask Mana? If she lets you change for a little... she can let you change for good too, can't she?

[For how self-involved Ryou seems to be in his own thoughts, he does catch a little of Nanami's reaction.

...He will remember that.

But for now, he keeps on their current subject.]

I'm...I'm sure she can. I haven't asked her yet what the price would be, because I still have other things that I need to do. I have a feeling it would be many more coins than I have...so I'm grateful to the Fog for this form. At least for now. It's a welcome break.

[He glances at Nanami, one ear flicking, but ultimately they both relax. He reaches a hand out, gently places his padded palm and fingers on her shoulder, then smiles a little.]

I really can't thank you enough for listening to me. I think...perhaps we can talk about something less sad, right? You've heard more than enough, and if you want to give me a chance, then the least I can do is make sure it isn't all terribly depressing. Right?

If I can help, I will.

[ She's already found a few coins, after her first month here - and she doesn't have any plans to use them.

... Probably.

But the change in subject relaxes her too. She gets up to make them some tea, at the food counter just next to the board game corner. ]

I don't think you're depressing. [ It's been interesting, even if the subject matter has been sad, and at times gruesome. She puts the kettle on and leans over the counter so she can still see him while the water comes to a boil. ]

Do you have any favorite games?

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cw; oblique gore mention, torture, death, mind-control/possession, assisted murder tbh

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cw; suicide, death, burn mention, bad surgery mention

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