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waitingforplayer2
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHIAKI NANAMI.
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<galagamer> This is Chiaki Nanami.
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<galagamer> This is Chiaki Nanami.
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(no subject)
Date: 2023-06-17 08:40 am (UTC)She steps further in, after Ryou. His hand is still grasped in hers. ]
Do you want me to-- be human too? [ Nanami hasn't changed; she's not immediately tempted by the cube to lose their monstrous form. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2023-06-17 08:57 am (UTC)[Ryou turns to face Nanami, to give her a better look at his form. While his colors have become more natural and less grayscale, he's still got his pointed teeth and ears, and he's still tall, with too-long arms and clawed fingertips.
And...well, his tail hasn't gone anywhere. It does look odd though, skintoned with a white tip. It gives him more of a trollish look than a human look, overall.
If he was in less of an awful state, he might explain to her why the light does this to him. But he doesn't. Instead, he draws them both closer to the water's edge, then he sits. It's only then that his fingers disentangle from Nanami's, so he can pull his knees to his chest and wrap his arms around his legs.]
...This world is a lie. But it's a pretty lie...isn't it? A pretty little lie...that I tell myself so that I don't have to suffer reality.
[He says it quietly, drearily disconnected from everything.]
Do you do that too?
(no subject)
Date: 2023-06-17 09:04 am (UTC)Does Nanami lie to themselves? They have to think about this. It feels like they're always moving, always going to the next thing. The peninsula will provide horrors whether or not Nanami pauses for breath, so it just kind of makes sense to keep paddling for as long as they can.
Is that lying? ]
What's the lie that you tell? [ Her experience means nothing to their conversation if it doesn't relate to his, after all. Some people have to cope with the changes; some with the food they have to eat; some with the despair of not being able to go home. Nanami imagines it's something of those. ]
cw; discussion of dissociation, and what can kindly be put as "memory problems" until i delve deeper
Date: 2023-06-19 05:24 am (UTC)[Ryou stares at the water, watching it draw closer, then pull away before it can brush his unsettlingly pale talons. It gets so close...but never quite makes contact.]
The lie that I tell...hides itself from me too. I don't even know I'm telling it.
[He doesn't look at Nanami as he talks, but the words spill out unbidden. Rambling, but with purpose.]
You know, Atem doesn't really like it when he leaves his mind. When he does things that he's not present for, and has to pick up the memories later. I'm sure there's a better word for what that is, but...the point is, he doesn't like it.
That begs the question--if no one sees what happened, then what proof is there that it happened at all? That is...if a tree falls in a forest and no one's around to hear it...does it make a sound?
[He pauses, and his eyes half-lid as he exhales a shuddering breath into his knees, his tail still bright white.]
What if no one knew the tree fell?
(no subject)
Date: 2023-06-20 08:27 am (UTC)That's how it's been for months, with them. But he doesn't often acknowledge it out loud - so to even approach it in metaphor surprises Nanami a little. ]
I think... well. [ They stare out at the surf. ] I've been a tree. Even if it seems like the tree's alone, it never really is. There's always something there to see it or to catch it.
[ With thick hooved fingers, she draws idly in the sand underneath them. ] Anyway, I'd want to help the tree.
cw; death mention
Date: 2023-06-20 08:38 am (UTC)They have a kind soul...he loves that about them. It endears him to her. It's...good. But he still can't find comfort in it, not this time.]
No one knew that the tree needed help this time. Not even the tree.
[He closes his eyes, and suddenly he feels sick, his stomach in knots as he realizes he can't keep speaking vaguely, not about this. Not anymore. It hurts...but he has to be straightforward.]
I...I thought that the Sjora had killed me if I'd died at all, you see. That's...well, it's not fine, but it's expected, isn't it? This place will always cause us to be hurt, or take our lives.
That isn't something that can be controlled, only accepted. I accepted it.
And then...h...haaah...
[He has to stop, to try and compose himself. He has to swallow back the bitter taste traveling up his throat, stinging against his tongue. He has to say it.]
And then I come to find...I was murdered by another monster.
(no subject)
Date: 2023-06-23 07:23 am (UTC)Both victims share similar traits: Fog followers, who have historically pushed away most of those who would help them. Socially isolated... it would be difficult for them to retaliate.
They don't want it to be true. It could have been anyone. But Ryou fits the bill far too well. ]
Wh-... who was it?
(no subject)
Date: 2023-06-23 07:36 am (UTC)Whenever he has to recount it, it's so freshly unearthed that it makes his head ache just to think about it. It scares him, and sets his flight response off. But he can't run away. He didn't run from Atem.
He won't run from Nanami either. If they want to be mad that he withheld information...they're allowed.]
Mr. Holmes said...that Norman Osborn was responsible. The man who...who I spoke to on the network before, a normal person. A man who's done so much for the community, who I offered sympathies over his departure for...
He killed me...and made sure I knew who it was for. Now, I remember it. But I didn't at first...!! What's wrong with me?
(no subject)
Date: 2023-06-25 08:52 am (UTC)[ Nanami leans down to hug him at the shoulders - gently - and loosely enough that he can pull back if he wants to.
It's kind of a good thing Ryou's panicking, actually, because it distracts Nanami from the horror that's pulling at their gut. ]
There's nothing wrong with you... that was-- what happened-- was horrible... I guess... it was easier to forget that sort of thing...
(no subject)
Date: 2023-06-26 06:52 am (UTC)Death takes memories from me...and now I take them from myself as well? In the end, what's going to be left after much longer? Will I...w-will I remember the ones I love? The ones I hold dear to me?
[His tail whips from side to side in a frenetic patternless motion, all white fear and anxious energy.]
What if I forgot you? Would you ever forgive me? You...shouldn't. That would be awful...
(no subject)
Date: 2023-06-28 08:28 am (UTC)It's not about forgiving... I'd worry about you, if you forgot about me... but I'd still want to be your friend, even so.
[ Thick-nailed fingers stroke thru Ryou's hair. ] I worry too... about losing my memories... the parts of my heart.
... The best we can do is ... protect them however we can, I think. But even if you did lose them... you'd still be worth loving, Ryou-kun.
(no subject)
Date: 2023-07-09 05:39 am (UTC)He allows Nanami to do it as well, because it feels nice, even though he's still upset and half-panicked. The fingers in his hair help too. Ryou allows himself to settle against Nanami and the tactile comfort he offers. He doesn't speak for a little while, just shivering and sniffing.
And thinking.
What would it be like...to have someone insist they were friends with you, when you couldn't remember a single thing about them? Ryou wouldn't trust it. He'd think it was a lie, immediately.
He'd make it worse.
He makes so many things worse, just by being himself...
Before he can stop himself, the thought spills from his lips.]
I don't know...if that's true...
(no subject)
Date: 2023-07-24 08:45 am (UTC)[ Nanami responds immediately, still gently petting him. His fingers curl into Ryou's locks, and hold there, before slowly working some tangles out. ]
Listen... if he comes back... I'll protect you from him. We'll let people know-- he's not safe. I-- I can't believe I didn't know that about him, until now...
(no subject)
Date: 2023-07-27 07:48 am (UTC)Not like Domino, not that kind of home. But it's home all the same. It's warm and comfortable and as much as he often protests, Ryou does want to be cared for, to be reassured and held and treated kindly.
He wants to be seen, and Nanami does see him, doesn't he?]
Please...don't make trouble, and end up getting yourself hurt. I know he isn't here anymore, but if he comes back, then I...I couldn't bear to see him hurt you, just because you're with Her, like me.
[Because that's what it had been about. That's what it's always about. Ryou had made his grievous error in January, and then learned from it. But everyone has to go through their trials...and those trials tend to hurt people.
...Ryou still remembers Norman's words though, and they stick in his heart like something painful. Like knives.]
(no subject)
Date: 2023-08-01 08:53 am (UTC)[ Their fingers curl with anger - real anger, unusual for Nanami - in Ryou's curls. ]
I can't sit by. I can't let this keep happening. So I'll protect all of us.
[ Her petting begins again, slower this time. ] And... and that includes myself.
[ For she had trusted Norman too, like a father figure almost. They know better now. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2023-08-09 07:52 am (UTC)Not just to the shade part of Ryou, but all of him. He's said the same kinds of things for Atem's sake, and he finds that he'd say them for Nanami as well, so it's of deep comfort to know they feel so strongly.
He exhales a soft breath, but makes no other noise. He's just....gonna stay here, quietly, and listen to the sounds of the waves breaking along the shoreline.]