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waitingforplayer2
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHIAKI NANAMI.
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<galagamer> This is Chiaki Nanami.
<galagamer> I'll get back to you as soon as I can!
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<galagamer> This is Chiaki Nanami.
<galagamer> I'll get back to you as soon as I can!
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 12:59 am (UTC)... The other reason I want to is because I want to figure out who I am and what kind of monster I want to be. [ TRUTH-TELLING!! ]
But I don't want to write it all myself. I think what's missing is... it's not personal enough. It's actually really general. It's like Spengler observed a few monsters and wrote down what he saw, but that means that some of the information is wrong or not specific enough. So far my changes haven't been anything like what's in the guide, in a lot of ways.
So I want other people to help me write it too. And try new changes with me, too, if they want.
... Would you be interested in helping me with any of that?
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 01:03 am (UTC)[It sounds like a worthwhile project, to him -- both helping other monsters, and helping Nanami figure out who she is. She disliked being called the Ultimate Gamer, didn't she...? Playing games wasn't for fun, anymore. It wasn't for her, when that became her label. So...of course she should try out as many types as possible, until she finds the one she likes -- the one she wants to spend her time here as!]
Of course I will! Trying out new monster forms, and comparing notes with friends...
...it sounds like fun!
[A good distraction, from all of the bad things that happen around them. A project, that'll help other monsters...and someone who's become a very dear friend. Of course he's in.]
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 01:11 am (UTC)[ She counts them off on one of her hands. ] Vampire, demon, naga, merperson, nymph, minotaur... am I missing anything?
I don't know what I'll try after faerie, but... so far I really like it.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 01:23 am (UTC)[They stroll casually on down the street. Atem could probably break into a run, and run all the way to the mall without breaking a sweat, if what he's heard about minotaurs is true, but...
...he's not in a hurry, yet. And, running might make it harder for Nanami to hold on...he'll wait.]
But, faerie's one I haven't tried...what do you like about it? Besides the flying, of course.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 01:27 am (UTC)But...
[ Okay hmm she has to really think about this. She opens and closes one of her small hands, thinking. The little itch at the back of her mind returns, and she powers through. ]
Well-- I like how I feel, I suppose. I have a lot of extra limbs, but-- well, the flying came pretty easy, and the extra arms are kind of fun to figure out. I know I have a lot of new powers, and I haven't tried all of them yet, but I like the ones I've tried so far. I don't even mind being smaller - I kind of like it? It's just a different way of being, and it makes some things easier. I've never really seen many faeries using this power very much, and I don't understand why...
... And I like how I look too, I suppose. Blue's a nice color. Even though I don't have hair again.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 01:53 am (UTC)[No big deal, just strolling down the street, Fog cloak fluttering and fading-out behind him in the cool fall air.]
Is that chitin, then? On your head? It's in the same shape as your hair, so looking at you, I didn't really miss it...
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 01:56 am (UTC)[ At this she finally rises off his horn, and flits down to fly next to him as he walks, so he can get a closer look. ]
There's a tutorial guide in The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword who looks sort of like this. And my wings sort of look like Fi's, from Ocarina of Time... I really like helping people, so that's a nice thing about being a faerie, too.
[ It's a lot easier to be open and honest with him! The truth-telling isn't the only thing making that happen, really. He's just a good friend to talk to. ]
You don't usually have multiple limbs now, do you? Only with ... let's see... [ Now she has to pause to think. ] Wait. None of your other forms have them, do they?...
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 03:52 am (UTC)[He's keeping quiet about his tier 2 Fog boon. All of his powers, all of his exchanged weaknesses, will be played very close to his chest, for the foreseeable future.
The Wii, though, was super after his time.]
But, no, I don't know that particular game! Even if it wasn't after my time...
...Yugi didn't get much of a chance to play computer games. We didn't have a PC! So, it was pretty limited, to the ones you can find in arcades.
Your faerie form looking like a video game character...that's fitting, isn't it? You can be the new monsters' tutorial character!
[She doesn't have to, of course. But if she likes it, then...it's a cute outfit to wear while doing something she was going to do, anyway. It's a Look, as the kids say.]
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-07 08:11 am (UTC)Definitely not because her player kept forgetting about them.] I guess those didn't really feel like limbs, they felt like... friends, attached to my back.Gosh, there's a lot of games you haven't tried yet, aren't there!! I can introduce you to some of them if you like!!
[ And this time she flits down to sit on his shoulder, clinging onto him via his shirt. ] I want to be!! I know a lot of new monsters have a hard time, especially when they're changing... I want to be there for them. I want to help them adjust.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-07 03:59 pm (UTC)[Hippo-crite.]
Luckily, this temp has been pretty easy to adjust to...like a demon with no wings! So, the only thing I'll need help with is making sure I don't buy anything too unfashionable without realizing it...
...but, you'll give me your honest opinion, won't you?
[He winks!]
Then, when you want a break from helping out newcomers, we can play some computer games.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-08 09:09 am (UTC)[ She flits back on top of his head and rests there, nestled into his hair now and clutching one of his horns for support. ] Mostly I know how to optimize clothes in games... like in the Reaper's Game over the summer, you remember?
[ She glances down. ] Anyway... you kind of just seem like you again, Atem-kun. No snake tail, no frog legs... you look pretty normal to me. Even if you're a girl, that still fits for Atem-kun if you ask me.
cw clumsy gender talk
Date: 2022-11-08 11:46 am (UTC)[He really has wound up comfortable in bodies that are this way, hasn't he? This isn't nearly as big an adjustment as a snake tail! And, it's alive...his heart is beating, his own heart, and that in itself is something to be glad about.
But, something about "even if you're a girl" doesn't fit quite right. Hearing himself described like that feels like trying on a shoe that's too tight. It doesn't make him mad or insecure to be called a girl, but it feels too narrow to describe how he feels right now.]
...I don't feel like this makes me a girl, though. Or, not just a girl, without being a guy at all, anymore.
How do I explain this...
...When I take a naga form, with my Fog power, I'm not a naga, not like Dr. McGucket is -- even if I like being a naga a lot. It's kind of like that!
[Feeling this out...it's interesting. Kind of trial and error. What feels accurate, what doesn't?]
I don't feel like a girl and not a guy like Cagliostro feels like a girl and not a guy. For her, she's not a guy at all, and doesn't want to be anything besides what she is now! But, for me...I like this form, but not enough to stay this way forever. It's not all of who I am.
It's funny...
[He muses thoughtfully, as he makes his way down the street.]
...I told Mukuro last Christmas, about how there was a kind of propaganda that suggested some gods and kings of Egypt were like men and women at the same time. They wanted qualities of both! That way, they could take credit for being Egypt's source of life and be powerful in war, like they could do it all...
[For power. For bonuses. Like him.]
It wasn't true, of course, their hips and bellies didn't actually look like that. But it's kind of funny, that it's ended up true, for me.
[He straightens, squaring his shoulders. That's the mall there, in the distance, and a change in subject from very imprecise attempts to describe a feeling he's having, that's unusual and doesn't fit a lot of "normal" boxes.]
We'll get some clothes for both of us that aren't optimized for bonuses, but are optimized to make us feel good in them! That's a kind of bonus, when you know you're wearing just the right outfit.
cw: same plus general identity discussion
Date: 2022-11-09 12:30 am (UTC)So kings in Egypt were like... more than a mortal gender. Like a god. I see! [ Death Themself, who Nanami met in person, was like that. There's plenty of stories of myth and gods in games that are like that. It's easy enough to understand, now that Atem puts it that way. ]
I'm glad for you...! You get the benefits of both after all, but you can still decide what to be.
[ They're approaching the mall - at the very least, Nanami can see it with her compound eyes; but then she doubles back around to one of the first things he said. ]
But, the other thing... that you aren't a naga, even if you are a naga... that part I don't understand, really. If you have a snake tail, and scales, and all the rest... that makes you a naga, doesn't it?
sprinkles in some bronze age sexism to the identity discussion
Date: 2022-11-09 01:43 am (UTC)[In response to her comment about the kings in Egypt.
Some of them very much presented themselves as Men, And Only Men, God Help You If You Accuse Them Of The Feminine.
But, it's true...Atem does kind of like...having the benefits of both. There was a way Ankhsunatem was, that he's admired despite himself, and the jealousy over Ryou. The brutality, the absolute resolve, and the sensitivity to when diplomacy is called for...
...Atem wants that for himself.
But, she's stuck on the monster point!]
And, not to me...my monster forms are something I'm being, not really who I am. I am Atem! And sometimes, I look and act like a naga, but even while I'm in naga form, the way I imagine myself...isn't a naga. But, I think there are some monsters who do imagine themselves as their monster forms. It's as if...that's their body, now. But this, this is one of my bodies, and what makes me me is something else. Something bigger than just one monster type.
Does that make sense?
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-09 01:58 am (UTC)[ She flops on her belly in Atem's hair, while she thinks. Still peering out at the world around them, but this requires a whole lot of concentration, okay.
Hmm. Well, she supposes she can understand where Atem's coming from, in theory. But... ]
I don't know if it's like that for me... I feel like I change so much from one monster form to another, or even different forms that aren't monsters... I don't know... it's like there's a lot of different me's, and becoming another form means becoming another me... so I still don't know what it means when I say Chiaki Nanami.
What does it mean to you, when you say that you're Atem-kun, no matter what? What makes an Atem?
cw anime possession that manifests as DID
Date: 2022-11-09 02:10 am (UTC)I used to think what made me me, was Yugi...I was just, "the other Yugi" -- what he was like, when he had the powers and knowledge of darkness! But that was wrong...
...because there's things that have made me me, that are always there, even when I'm different monsters, or a me that's not a monster. Even when I was the other Yugi, or Adam, or Ankhsunatem...
[He's quiet a moment, trying not to get distracted by how tickled and fond he is, of her flopping down in his hair. He owes her some seriousness -- this is a serious discussion!]
My heart is made of a lot of different pieces. All of my friends are pieces of my heart...everyone I've ever cared about is there! The feelings I feel, that I wouldn't have felt, if we'd never met...the ways they've changed me...that's something no monster type or mid-month fog can change! So, the things I learned from Yugi -- from Jounouchi and Anzu and Honda, and here, from Ryou and the Ring-Spirit, and Nagito and Celeste, Ima Wiggles, Horatio, Amanda, the Thief-King! Noa! Kaiba, when he was here! Everyone...they're all...
[He presses a thick-nailed hand to his chest, and has to stop walking for a moment, to close his eyes.]
They're all part of a heart that will do anything to protect them. To protect their hearts, too...whatever that means, whatever it looks like. I, Atem -- I'm someone who pays attention! I look for advantages. I find ways to create them, if they're not already there. For the sake of my heart!
[With satisfaction -- because he's satisfied with this answer, it rings true to him -- ]
That's who I am.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-09 02:43 am (UTC)So many of them... so many dear friends... [ She has no tear glands, but she certainly feels full, deep in her heart. ] You have a strong and kind heart, Atem-kun...
I hope you feel that love from us back. Because you're such a dear friend to me, and to so many on this peninsula...
[ If trying to be scary was his goal, well... it's backfired a bit, hasn't it? But in the best possible way.
She's quiet for a little while, thinking as they walk. Grateful to him, for the time to think, and the space to work all this out. ] My friends... they mean so much to me. I wouldn't be where I am, or who I am, without them... maybe that's something I need to think about, with all this...
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-09 04:01 pm (UTC)...he's glad. To have the friends he does. And he's glad to give her time to think, before she goes on!]
Even if you can't think of any qualities yet, that you know are you no matter what....
....there's always what you love, to show you where your heart is. Our connections with other people, and things in the world around us, are an important part of who we are...
...and, they can show us who we are, too. No one starts out liking themselves...but, when we have other people who like us, they can show us our own good parts. And, we have the chance to act in a way we feel proud of, when there's people in our lives to act for.
Your friends, and how you treat them...that might be a good place to start looking for Chiaki Nanami.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-13 11:53 am (UTC)[ She idly twirls a lock of his hair between her fingers, and then twirls it again between the fingers of a different hand. Idly twirling it into a small knot or curl. Hopefully Atem owns a good comb. ]
I have a lot of them... sometimes I feel like I'm a little different with each of them, though... it's strange...
[ She's a shapeshifter. She's learning this. (Isn't everyone?) But she frowns a little. ]
If there's anything that's the same about all of them... it's how much I love them with my whole heart. [ She literally can't think of an exception to that. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-13 05:24 pm (UTC)[He asks, because he's familiar with that, too. He acts differently around Trish than he did around Amanda.]
It's possible to show different sides of yourself to different people. But as long as the way you act still feels like you, and not like you're pretending...then, it just means that you're bigger than you thought!
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-16 09:42 am (UTC)[ A pause. The little itch at the back of her mind doesn't bother her. Huh. ] Yeah, I guess that's true.
I'm not trying to ... um, to not be myself around people, though. Or to be fake. I just... want to be the best me for them... that I can be, I think.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-16 03:31 pm (UTC)[Here's that mall. In the doors they go.]
Now! What kinds of clothes were you looking for?
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-18 09:52 am (UTC)[ She peeks down over his hair to grin at him. ] You're the one who needs a whole new outfit, Atem-kun!! What would you like to wear on your new body?
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-18 02:05 pm (UTC)[He has to think about that.]
...I don't know. I just know that this...
[He gestures to the chunky sweater with holes in the shoulders for spikes that aren't there, and rolled up khakis which aren't hanging right on his waist at all.]
...isn't right!
[His plan is to walk around until he sees something he likes. So, he starts to stride down a tiled aisle, glancing left and right, his hoofs making a click click click on the floor. Purses...swimwear...artisanal soaps...local vegetables?? No...
...
He pauses in front of a formalwear store, with suits and long silk gowns with puffy 80s bows and shoulder pads, then shakes his head. Those don't seem right, either.]
Something cooler than that.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-23 08:52 am (UTC)But they're moving away from the store pretty quickly, and Nanami's scanning the aisles. She flies off his head and starts flitting around, checking sign after sign for something interesting.
Eventually she zips back to Atem's shoulder, hovering just above it. ] There's some women's clothes stores if you make a right up here, and some people our age hanging around near one of them... maybe something like that?
(no subject)
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