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[waitingforplayer2]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHIAKI NANAMI.

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<galagamer> This is Chiaki Nanami.
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[Dyster] Post-memsoup, immediately after wolfing

[luckless]

[It had been like a reflex, running to Mana and asking to change him. As if getting out of his normal skin could make the images behind his eyelids stop. He asked Mukuro, and Atem, and others to help him too—spending a night away from memories that itched at the corners of his mind like insidious little pests, taunting his attention towards them.

But that doesn't mean that the moment his distractions were gone, they couldn't come back. No, they came back with a vengeance. They slotted him into Nanami's shoes and Nanami into his, in his memory. It put the weight of a fire grenade filled with poison in his hand, and the sound of his dearest friend's screams in his ears. It was easy to stay awake during his werewolf change, because the thought of seeing her like that again was cause enough for insomnia. Now, though, there's no excuse to distract him from the horror of just a few days prior.

So, finally, with guilt hanging his shaggy head and unfurling his curly tail to tuck between his legs with shame, he'll finally seek her out. It wasn't hard to find her, not really. All it took was a grey key and a short walk, following his nose through Dyster to come upon the door to her apartment. He doesn't so much as knock as he bonks his head against the heavy, musty door.]

Nanami-san...? [He'll call out, quieter than is likely helpful,] it's me.

[waitingforplayer2]

[ She hadn't meant to go into Dyster, so soon after what had happened. The fog had been too much of her, the past week. She needs space.

But she'd stopped into her apartment for something, and the fog had risen to meet her. Home, it insisted gently.

She can't deny the place is quiet. A place to think, and focus.

So now she sits on the ground, writing in something. But the nymph's pointed ears perk up when she hears Komaeda at her door. Impossible to miss who that is, even with how quiet his voice is.

She rises to her roots and crawls to the door, and opens it right away. ] Hey...!

[ Her eyes widen. He's changed again - she can't help breaking into a grin. ] Come in... [ Oh he's fluffy. ]

[luckless]

[When Nanami opens the door, Komaeda sees that she's smiling. It's so comforting to see, really—after all, his waking moments have been filled with the sight of her pained expression since their mixing of memories. But he can't bring himself to smile with her. Just the sight of her as a nymph is enough to make his stomach twist into knots and fill him with an involuntary urge to throw up.

He doesn't, though it's just barely.]

I'm sorry for intruding...

[Komaeda bows his head as he steps through the doorway, his gaze taking in her room again (he hasn't been here since the beginning of February); but mostly, he's doing his best not to look directly at her right now.]

How... Are you feeling, Nanami-san?

[waitingforplayer2]

[ The room hasn't been well-furnished. Truth be told, Nanami doesn't spend a lot of time here; it's more of a home away from home than a true haven. But her pink bag sits on the gray little bed in the corner. Nanami herself moves to the kitchenette to put a kettle on as Komaeda enters.

Her face falls a bit. She glances to the floor, where her little journal is. She's only just begun writing the little list of names.

How is she? She has to really think about that one. And she doesn't want to lie to him. ]

It's... complicated... but, I suppose I'm better than last week... I've got all my memories back.

[ She looks back to him, worried. The last time she saw him, well... they'd endured something horrible together. ]

What about you? How are you feeling?

[luckless]

[So she has all of her memories back...

Komaeda can't help but give an audible sigh of relief. It was the one thing he was most worried about. Now that the concern is out of the way, however, the space it's left behind is quickly and easily filled by guilt. Komaeda stands awkwardly large within Nanami's apartment, not quite finding a place to settle in, as if he doesn't quite belong around her.]

I'm alright, I think... It's difficult to feel too bad, when you're a werewolf. My mind feels like it's all over the place, but things are exciting and new...!

[Until, well, they aren't anymore. And then the memories come taunting him again. Komaeda swallows.]

...Are you sleeping well, then?

[waitingforplayer2]

[ She shakes her head automatically. ] I don't usually sleep well...

[ But that's not the question, really. She crawls back to the center of the room to pick up her journal, and sits with it on the bed. Pats the space next to her, for him to sit next to her.

And then really takes in his form, and it's enough to make the smile start to come back. ] You look cute... I'm really glad you're not feeling too bad... [ She reaches out and, if he'll allow it, carefully pets the top of his head. ]

[luckless]

[Komaeda's mood isn't difficult to discern. His entire frame holds the worry he feels, when he stands within a space that's suffused so thoroughly with Nanami's scent. It only further reminds him of the week before, of his attempt to spare her from pain and only succeeding in showing her the one thing he hoped to always keep away from her gaze.

So when she pats the space beside her, beckoning him over, it's that guilt that keeps him planted firmly in spot for a moment longer than he normally would. He stares at her, his tail still low and tucked tight against his legs, his ears flat. He doesn't want to disappoint Nanami further though, so his hesitation doesn't last long enough to get her to beckon him a second time.

When Komaeda takes the space next to her, he distinctly separates himself. His bulkier frame folds into itself, his arms tucked to his knees and his muzzle lowered to rest atop them.]

...Have you been having nightmares about it?

[waitingforplayer2]

[ Her leafy hand falls to her side. She stares at her own roots. The roots that have replaced her legs, again. Because of what she did, without her memories. ]

I guess so. Sometimes... I dream of Ryslig, but it's empty... I guess that must have been what it was like, for that other me...

[ She glances at him. ] And-- you? Are you dreaming about it?

[luckless]

[He doesn’t understand the depth of her words, how she could have completely forgotten about their lives together before Ryslig; but he doesn’t have to, not when her tone and the way she holds her body—as if it were something foreign and unwanted for once—says enough. Komaeda, despite his apprehension to get closer to her before, scooches just a little be nearer to her, until he can feel the barely there tickle of her fronds against his arm.]

…I promised that I would protect you… But I failed.

[Worse, yet, is that she had to not just see the ugliest parts of him, but live through them personally. To feel the vindication that he felt, condemning all of their friends to death with one final firework act.]

…I never wanted you to see that. That was the only thing I wanted to keep from you.

[waitingforplayer2]

[ The spear, falling through both of them. It's as if she can still feel it, and the flames licking at her bark. Even with days between them, the memory is still fresh.

But at this Nanami regards him with concern; because it wasn't her memory that they'd lived through. So it must have been his. ]

Was that how you died, in the simulation?

[luckless]

[His tongue feels like lead, weighed down within his mouth and unable to move. Nanami asks the most obvious question so blatantly, it's jarring. Isn't it obvious, he almost wants to reply back, but he doesn't. He couldn't. Even with all the pain filling the space between his ribs, he can't find the nerve to lash out.

So he doesn't. He just sits uncomfortably still, not moving further nor closer to her.]

In that memory... It switched our places. Or rather, it turned me into your AI self... And you were me.

[waitingforplayer2]

[ That part startles Nanami a little. She hadn't known that her AI self had been part of that original memory at all. Had the other her jumped into the blaze and been killed, along with him?

No-- he'd already talked a little of what had happened... about framing the other her. ]

But it went differently. [ Because he'd tried so hard to stop it. And because she'd wandered into the memory herself. ]

I'm-- I'm so sorry that you had to relive that.

[luckless]

I... I don't care about me...!

[Komaeda's voice pitches with a canid whine. His ears have peeled all the way back, his fluffy tail coiled around his hip. He doesn't look at her still, but he can feel her attention on him.

It feels like daggers.]

For you to have to endure something so awful... As if one death trap wasn't enough to live through... Why did it have to be mine?

[waitingforplayer2]

But it wasn't your fault...

[ She reaches for him again, placing a leafy hand on his shoulder. Trying to think of what to say, to drag him back out of his despair, into the world again. ]

Komaeda-kun-- even with things like that-- you tried so hard to save me... you were hurt just like me... there's no reason to blame yourself for what happened!

[luckless]

How could I not...? When I promised to protect you, and I nearly got you killed instead...

[He doesn't lean into her touch, neither does he pull away from it. It's comforting, even if he feels selfish for indulging in that warmth when he simultaneously feels undeserving of it.]

...If we weren't so lucky, if that memory had kept going... What part of you would I have lost to it...?

[waitingforplayer2]

[ Nanami falls quiet. It's the very loss of her own friends' memories that has distressed her so much, since the memory fog left the peninsula. Komaeda's right in that - had she lost any of them permanently, things might have been much worse.

But still she pulls him into a hug, even if he protests, or remains limp. ]

But you didn't lose me, Komaeda-kun. We were lucky. Even if it's a kind of unluck that we both went through it...

[ A long shuddering breath. ] Would it have been the same, if you hadn't jumped on top of me? Maybe in a way, your luck did help save both of us in the end, too...

cw suicide mention

[luckless]

Stop it.

[Komaeda pulls his head up from his arms, and though fur hangs in front of his eyes, the gaze he casts sideways to Nanami is full of pain—seen or not. She knows better than to bring up his luck like this, right? It feels like stabbing open an old and barely healing wound.]

What that was... My memory, it would've killed us both if there magic made it realistic enough. Don't you get it? I told you beofre that the past me used his luck to kill himself and make you throw the poison, that's what happened.

Me doing what I did in the memory... That wasn't luck. That was... Was me trying to die with you. I didn't want to be without you.